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Friday, April 07, 2006
Another Emo Acoustic Interlude
I guess Im never really good at getting over things. Damn, not this phase again,these are the shittiest days of my life,again.
"When a guy is rejected of his love,the man in him dies." This was a quote in a movie titled "Win a Date with Todd ???" ahh i dont know, basta it stars Eric Foreman, and mas mataba na sya sa movie na to.
Damn, the man inside seems to endure a lot, he would die not just once then. Of course there is always someone who could bring that man back to life, not the hot nurse you pervs, another damsel who could either build you or break you.
But what if there was none, let's say no one compares to the one who snapped you like a dead stick, okay this may sound like an obsessed-psycho-ish case, but trust me its not,im a psycho but not obsessed,well not that much,tihee.
And a proud man said,"A man would always find something better,he would never settle for anything less than what he had in the past."When you grow older young man,you'll learn.
I am neither mad nor sad, well a bit sad, and I expected the worst to happen,but why do i still feel like a half baked shit,maybe because I am a proud dickhead.
And the last year of my teeny bopper days is finally arriving. Nineteen, a year more, am an old goat. And relationships at this stage are crucial,well for some guys. I asked my most trusted friends, "Do you see your current girlfriends as your future wife?",they all answered yes,and I was the only single guy,and I was like shit man,y'all are kidding.I never saw not even one of my exes as my future wife. And my friends are already thinking of their future??!! Do I or do they have the problem?
And my kanang kamay in the barkada,(this guy knows me very well,we even think the same way),said the wisest thing I've ever heard. "Ang problema kasi sayo balong,hindi mo alam kung sinong seseryosohin mo. Ito na yung time na naghahanap tayo ng possible wife." Oh come on man, if I get this girl pregnant we'll definitely end up together, but will split up later on,haha.I guess he's right,I did fool around a lot back then, too proud of meself,too sure I will put the eggs in the basket.Then I learned that I was wrong, the hard way.And when I was trying to start all over again,starting to change meself, the worst came,and now am less than a dead stick,less than nothing to be exact.I guess lessons come with punishments, and they were fuckin harsh.
And now am the total loser, where are the teasers,where are the take home biatches,where are the holes-for-sure,where are the pwede-na-chicks,where are the reserves?Uhm, you set them all away,you were trying to be mister goody goody remember?Damn it sucks to be nice, and this friend tells me I am a good man,no Im not,I only go for what benifits me,ahh crap.
I have no regrets whatsoever, even though more than two people told me what was going to happen to me,and what I was doing would eventually end up in the dumpster.I guess am right,not only was I stubborn,I was also stupid,so what,I was happy,used to be happy..
Though I have no regrets,these are my if only's:
If only you didnt go back to that hall,I didnt notice you the first time,but the next time I saw you,hwaw.
If only she was not that sweet and kind,I would have kept my focus on you, wala eh,as Mundo always reminded me,the easy road often leads to a cliff,ayun nalaglag ako.
If only you ended up with that guy,then I dont have to fall for you again,I would be very happy if you were with him.
If only I was not too hopefull,I wouldnt have wasted your time.
If only I was single that time,then I would have told you everything,how much I felt for you and I would have started courting you,even my girl friend knew who you were,hell I always mention your name in between our conversations.
If only there was no brawl,then you could have seen us perform,and hindi sana nabato si hondy,tihee.
If only you didnt tell me I was "officially" the sweetest and nicest person you know,then I wouldnt be so damn happy na kahit mawasak yung kotse ko,sumabog yung Ardz at mamatay lahat ng mga kabanda ko,basta at the end of the night we are at your gate and I am smiling silly bidding you my goodnights,thank yous and good byes.
If only my quotes were more effective,and you were less smarter, or you were blind,deaf and mute,just kidding!
If only I didnt knew you were in that class, then my eyes wouldnt force my gall bladder to pee every 30 min just to have 2 second glimpses of insanity.
If only I didnt ask for the truth,then I would not have to choose between lose-lose choices.And am still be smiling silly everytime up to now.
If only you knew I would never choose to be just your friend like the others did, then you would have given me better choices. Cguro papipiliin mo na lang ako between jumping off the MMDA foot bridge in commonwealth ave during the rush hours or kakain na lang ako ng 5 coils ng katol within 20 sec,and the time starts now buster!Hihihihi,kidding,am kidding.
If only you are not a haven of happiness,that my soul would sing if you pass by and earth is hell if you were not on it.
If only you were just half amazing, that I know will never be.
If only I was more than half amazing,eh hindi talaga eh.
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